Sign in

Razor sharp wit with a beautiful wife, a cute kid, and ALS. Founded A Life Story Foundation. I type with my EYES!

For a stand-up comedian that had a show about nothing, he’s like a Jewish ninja with words

shutterstock.com

There is nothing more awkward and uncomfortable than watching a stand-up comedian bomb on stage. The comedian knows it’s happening. The audience is definitely aware of it. Unlike any other type of live entertainment, it’s strangely intimate. Perhaps that’s why when it’s done well, it feels so damn good! For a guy that’s had a terminal diagnosis for eight years, I can tell you that no one has provided better medicine than Jerry Seinfeld.

Like most humans, I was a huge fan of arguably the greatest sitcom of all time. Like so many children of the 80’s it wasn’t until…


And it saved our marriage

Source

It wasn’t our first time. We used Craigslist and other websites to hire men and women, of all different shapes, sizes, and sexual orientations. We are a very open couple.

Before you go judging us, I should probably provide some context. My wife and I are not swingers. I was diagnosed with ALS eight years ago. At this stage, I am completely immobile with the exception of my toes and eyebrows. Super useful, right? I require a ventilator for every breath I take and use eye gaze technology on a tablet to communicate.

My wife and I have a beautiful…


Personal grooming is not the first thing that comes to a mind when we talk about trust

Deposit photos

Trust is a funny thing. It finds its way into every wedding speech and the emotional heavy greeting cards. However, if a relationship has a solid bond of trust, it’s rarely mentioned. My level of trust with my wife is a matter of life and death. I have ALS, which has left me completely paralyzed and on a ventilator. That means that she has my life in her hands. This is never more obvious than when it’s time for some manscaping!

Every time it happens, I am forced into the most physically vulnerable position a man could imagine. The trim…


The good, the bad, and the funny.

Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash

Looking back, I probably could have tried less dramatic things to get out of visiting my in-laws — but then again, I have never been afraid to go big. So, instead of getting up at dark-thirty to go to the airport, I went into respiratory failure.

It was the middle of August 2017, a week after my 36th birthday and five years into my battle with ALS, that we had a life changing experience. My wife was four months pregnant with our first child. …


Who wants to play Jamaica Roulette?

Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels

Let me preface this list by saying that I am a glass half-full type of person. I’m not Lewis Black, but the comedy legend that has made a career out of rants that are so vibrant and beautiful that they’re almost soliloquies. Nope, I’m just your run-of-the-mill happy guy that happens to think that people, specifically Americans suck right now.

These are the most glaring issues as of this morning. I’ve only had one cup of coffee so far, so this could get ugly. Hold on to your hats.

  • There’s strength in mobs — I’m not even specifically talking about…


Learning how to fight is just as important as learning how to love

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

I’ve never watched a boxing match and I find UFC to be a slight step above Roman gladiators fighting to the death. The two sports and the head injuries that are as prevalent as the testosterone hold absolutely zero appeal to me. However, after a recent argument with my wife, I thought — maybe we could actually learn something from those walking punching bags.

What is the worst thing you’ve ever said to your partner in the heat of a fight? As soon as it left your lips and drove straight into the soul of your loved one, smacked you…


Take it from someone that is paralyzed.

Shutterstock.com

“You’re too slow!” “You’re too small!” I heard that crap for years as an undersized wide receiver. Sometimes it was from other players and sometimes it came from coaches. It didn’t matter. I used it as motivation. Now more than 20 years later, I have a terminal disease that should have killed me seven years ago. I use that same mindset every day and you can do the same. Just stop making excuses!

I was fortunate to have some amazing coaches throughout my nine years of playing football. All different types of men with different motivation strategies. Some screamed and…


It always feels better to say, yes

Shutterstock.com

Everyone poops. It’s such a widely accepted first-day fact, they wrote a book about it. I’m almost 40-years old and I have to let someone know when I have to use the restroom. I’m also a husband, father, writer, and entrepreneur. You don’t need to have a terminal disease to learn the benefits of allowing others to help you succeed.

Batman had Robin. Butch Cassidy had the Sundance Kid. Hell, Walter White and Jesse Pinkman had their differences but in the end, they needed each other. …


Intentions matter more than words

Shutterstock.com

My wife and I haven’t spoken in over four years. It’s not an estranged relationship or a romantic thriller on Netflix. We just don’t talk. Ever. Well, she tends to talk, but I just can’t do it. You may be thinking I’m the strong, silent type. But that’s not the case — I’ve had a terminal disease for nine years, but that doesn’t mean that I get a free pass to be a lousy partner!

While it’s true that I don’t lift a finger around the house, it’s not because I’m feeling sorry for myself. I can’t lift a finger…


It was like an entry level pass to being a grown-up

Shutterstock.com

My wife and I have been fortunate enough to work from home for the first three years of our daughter’s life. The pandemic has forced us to close the doors on our nonprofit, A Life Story Foundation. That means the world of childcare. That means a completely different life. It got us thinking about the future and if she’ll be a latchkey kid at some point. My vote, absolutely!

The definition of a latchkey kid is ‘a child who is at home without adult supervision for some part of the day. Especially after school until a parent returns from work.

Kevin Swan

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store